To start this journal off, I guess I'll have to tell you a little about myself. I've been in this ward, or prison to most of us here, for nearly 4 months. I apparently have a bad case of insomnia, as well as PPD, "Paranoid Personality Disorder"...so the doctors say. I don't trust some random person to tell me what's wrong with me and what's not. Then again, I don't really trust anyone with anything.
I'm sure you're aware of what Insomnia Disorder is, when "one is incapable to fall asleep or maintain it." I've heard that definition plenty times in my life. And I guess I do believe them when they tell me I have it, considering it's four o' clock in the morning and I've already tried counting thousands of sheep. Other than that, I don't trust them to tell me I have anything else wrong with me.
So there are the reasons why I am in this place.
In our last "Therapeutic Community" meeting I was given this journal and was told to write down anything I wanted at any time. So it gives me something to do when I can't sleep at night. I fucking hate those meetings. This place is full of people who call themselves doctors and tell us what to do and what is wrong with us "patients". I don't trust any of them, but I guess a journal wouldn't be so bad to have.
After our meeting, I had to go wait in line for my pills. I didn't want to, but the last time I refused to take them I had to mop the floors like that big quiet guy named Chief had to do. I don't know why someone should be able to shove some pills down my throat without even having my consent. I think it's bullshit, but I guess I'm some crazy person who needs them.
A new guy checked into the ward today. I think his name is McMurphy, or Randle, or something. I can't really tell what he's in here for, but he was yelling like a lunatic when he walked in. He walked in like he owned the place. He refused to sign in, and refused to shower. He also started harassing the big guy Chief while he was mopping the floors (again). He seems like a jackass, and I wouldn't trust him for anything. McMurphy, that is.
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